Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Struggles of Motherhood

I have chose not to share these incidents before but this time I am just frustrated and guess need to vent. My husband is out of town and so I guess I will vent to you! :D
My son started acting up at school. I am not sure why... He was always a sweet, mellow, quiet, straight A student.... He did exceptional in Kindergarten and not one complaint from his teacher about behavorial issues (His teacher was also a very close friend of mine so she would have told me too). I was asked by his teacher if things in his home life had changed... and I said no... in all honesty... things are better then they ever have been.

This year is different. Different year, different teacher... Maybe this teacher expects more out of him... or maybe he truly has just "changed".

He particularly doesn't get along with a girl named "Chloe". I used to like that name... until now... I hate to be a petty mom... but really I just don't care for that little girl.  The things she has said and done to my son... Without boring you with the details... I will make it quick.

Jacob tried so hard to be her friend. She doesn't like him for whatever reason, and always tells him to leave her alone cause she doesn't like him. My son comes home crying and wants to leave his school because he can't understand why she doesn't like him... It breaks my heart. Anyone who knows my son would know that he has a heart of gold... Ever since all this started happening... he started doing it back to her and now others in his class from what I understand. So I am frustrated, torn and cannot figure out what I need to do as a mother to punish accordingly or protect my son too... For example... we were making Valentines cards for his class and he only made half of them cause he didn't want to make some for the other kids... That is not like him... period.

Here is the letter I wrote the teacher this morning (1 of probably 20 so far)

Apparently there was an incident yesterday that happened at school. Jacob was disturbed about it. He openly told me what happened and here is the story

Jacob, River and Chloe were in line near each other.

Jacob said Chloe had an attitude.(which if that is true... I won't punish him for that cause I believe she does also and it is a true statement)
Chloe and River told you Jacob called them brats (if that is true... then he should be punished cause that is name-calling)

Jacob got in trouble by you for name calling
He said he told you that he didn't call them that name but you said he was lieing.
He got written up on his behavior chart.

That is what I could gather. I wasn't there so I only know what he said.

I asked him why two kids would say he name called them brats. He said he didn't know but he swore he didn't. I made him think about the incident for a while and gave him another opportunity to come clean. He said again "Mom I promise I didn't say that." I then reminded him that God knows if he is lieing even if I don't so that he needed to be honest with me. He says he knows that and that he was telling the truth. He was leaving for school this morning and I asked him again if he was telling me the truth. He said he was. I then told him the consequences if I find out he is lieing (Grounded for a week in his room and chores). I then proceeded to tell him that if needed we could all have a meeting with Chloe and River and he could confront them to find out who is telling the truth. He said that he had no problem with that cause he was telling the truth.

In all honesty... this whole incident is petty... easily solved... but someone is lieing and I am not sure who. At this point I have to believe my son until I am proven otherwise. I am not going to punish him for something he may or may not have done. And I am not picking on Chloe but she has name called him many times that he has told me about that he chose not to tell you about and so I know it is just a kid thing. I did it growing up, my husband did it growing up... It is something kids do.

Here is my fear.... I do no want to discourage my son from being a kid. I do not want him to be punished for every little thing he does, after all he is a kid. But if he is lieing to me or you then that is "major" and needs to fixed. Growing up as a child... I was a huge liar... I always lied to my mom. I hope my son will not go down that path. I am not sure what to do. I am torn. I want to believe him... but then two kids against one... it is hard to believe his story. But he is adament that he was telling the truth and said he didn't get a chance to share his side of the story completely. I am wondering if he said she had a "Bad" attitude and she mistakingly heard brat. not sure I wasn't there.... I asked Jacob if you heard and he said you weren't nearby... so anyways what happened and what should I do.

Josh & Stephanie Roper

The teacher reports "every" little incident to me now that Jacob does... I can't blame her... I actually asked her too... but really are we taking away my son's childhood by punishing him for everything he does and says? Can I truly expect my son to be a perfect little angel all the time? I don't want him to walk on egg shells for the rest of his life because all I did was make him be what everyone else expects him to be.

He is smart... EXTREMELY SMART
He is sweet.... He NEVER forgets to kiss me goodbye before walking out the door
He is Willing.... he has asked if he could help me with chores many times so that I can be done quicker
He CAN be a good friend.... From what I see at home... he plays well with all the other kids that come over... with exception to his brother and sister... which I think is typical

SO.... for me it is hard to believe that my son is THAT bad at school.... he has had his moments... but at home he is back to the same old boy. The more and more I am at this school the more and more I pray that God will give us the money to send him to a private school. I hate the school he goes too. It is a "Title" school... or a nicer way of saying "Low Income" school. So the kids he plays with are usually children with less privilage then others... most are on welfare or reduced lunches. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that except for sometimes because of that you have two parents working and the kids dont' get the attention they need. So the kids tend to be more "spirited" :D. I hope that is the nicest way to put it.

I hate public schools... He argued with me already that the dinosaurs are a million years old because he read it at school. I am a Christian and based on the Bible... I obviously believe otherwise. So anyways I need strengh right now. My husband and I have considered moving up to McCall where my husband is working out of town 4-5 days a week just to get a break from everything. it would be a temporary thing (maybe a year) but that would mean putting my photography on hold... and focusing solely on my kids... (which would actually mean my kids would be homeschooled for the year). What would you do as a parent?

This is the boy I know and LOVE and I refuse to believe that he is nothing more then that... He is not a bad kid.... and if he is only acting up at school... there is something going on....

1 comment:

Life with Kaishon said...

One thing I wish I would have done with Kaish is PUT HIM IN A DIFFERENT SCHOOL with a more interactive environment. Kaish had the WORST time at school. I mean who hates kindergarten? Kaish. First grade and second grade and third grade were a nightmare. Thank goodness that this year is good. I think because he got older and just started growing up and maturing. I think. Your son sounds so smart and amazing. I hope things get better for him. I know how terrible it is to know you are sending your baby every day to a place that he hates to go. That just hurts!

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