Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Where did I go wrong???

Looking back at my son Ryan's 1st year of life I wonder where did my sweet little boy go? I am so frustrated with him, so impatient and so confused on what to do with him. When he was a baby he was everyone's favorite. Loveable, hugable, and always happy. He never cried and he was always content. He was the opposite of Jacob when he was a baby. Now they have switched roles only a baby is a lot easier to deal with then a 4 year old.

I have tried everything with him. I have had so many advice from those around me on what I should do but nothing seems to work. He is 4 years old and he still will try and run from me after I get him out of the car. If I am not careful he will one day get hit by a car. Is it the middle child syndrome? Did I do something wrong along the way.

He whines and cries about EVERYTHING! He is a poor sport, If he loses at a game or a race he throws a fit, he gives up too easily if he doesn't get it the first time, he doesn't have a desire to learn, he doesn't play well with other kids because he is so bossy. I see him play soccer and I am so embarrassed by his behavior. The other day he asked to go play at the neighbors house at 9:30 at night. I of course said no... he walked right out that door and completely ignored me when I told him to come back home.
We have tried time out (Doesn't work.... he got even worse), we have tried spanking ( he doesn't care), we have tried taking things away (it doesn't bother him), we have tried rewarding him for his good behavior (it works temporarily).
After a long week by myself without my husband around to help I have had a lot of time to think about what I should do with him. I worry that if I don't figure it out soon we will hit the point of no return. I am trying something new.... and I hope it works. It is kind of last resort for me. I was told to treat him like a baby if he wants to act like one. So today we have put our 4-year old back in a diaper and giving him cups with lids. I feed him in the high chair, I hold his hand when he cleans up his toys.
It is breaking my heart because he is so heartbroken about the diaper. He is soooo embarassed. He never ever hits me or kicks me but when I put the diaper on him he kept kicking his feet at me because he was so angry. He screamed in his room for over an hour kicking the floor, the bed, the wall.... I just don't know what to do.... He is one of those kids you see on the street and say... "My kid will never act that way!" But it changes when you have a kid that acts that way.
Any advice you all may have is great... I am so upset and so frustrated right now. I just worry about him and his future. Sometimes I feel like giving up... because I am tired and I feel like my efforts are worthless.... I'm really wishing Josh was here to help. But even when he is around Ryan still acts this way it is just easier to manage with a second set of hands....
Did anyone go through this? Is there ANY advice. I have just had a terrible week with him and I just don't want to lose control of him. I really want him to be obedient and respectful. Jacob is wonderful and listens to everything I tell him to do and Madison is learning but she is still 18 months old so she still has her moments. But Ryan is just in his own little world. Sometimes I think he has the mentality of a 2 year old....


Miss Anne said...

what a beautiful boy!
thank you for stopping by my blog!

Taylor said...

Sorry you are having such a hard time with him. I don't have any advice for you but I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and hope someone can help. Maybe mention his behavior to your doctor and see if he would recommend something or someone.

Melissa said...

Aww Steph I can feel your pain and worry in your post...it is certainly no fun at all. My little guy is 4 soon to be 5, my suggestions to you come from a work in progress! Each child is so different and unique and I am learning daily what does work for mine and what does not. When Sawyer begins to act out I take it as a sign that he needs some one on one attention from either me or hubby. I take him on a nature walk searching for something simple as a deer track or a red ant! or daddy takes him fishing...something that can bedonewith just one of us a nd him. We all need that! and we all are much better when we can have that one on one time...I know it can be more difficult with daddy gone now and having 3 kids and being pregnant on top of all that but trial and error...we learn and we grow from it! I sure hope that you can find something that willwork for you all. Take care...

Melissa said...

Steph, so sorry that you are having to deal with this! I have no idea what to say or any advice to give. Kendra is 4 as well, and she has been a holy terror ever since she turned 2. I wonder if it will ever stop! I too have days where I feel like giving up, but for their sake, we have to keep trying.
I'm sure it's especially hard for you right now cause your hubby is out of town, you have the other kids to look after, and you're pregnant with twins.
I hope for both our sakes that it's just a phase and that it was pass very QUICKLY!!!

Jules said...

you seem so frustrated! I am so sorry you have to feel this way especially while you are doing the one parent thing.
I don't realy have any advice, sorry, but you have my prayers that it will get easier for you!
He is such a cute little guy! Just curious, and I don't know if it would make a difference, but do you think it might help if you set aside a special time for just you and him to hang out together? If it is middle child syndrome, maybe he feels like he needs more attention, because he is not the oldest or youngest.
I believe you are an amazing person and parent and you are doing your best! Hang in there and let us know if you figure any new ideas out.
My 3 year old daughter had some attention issues for a while and her temper tantrums were out of control almost. I finally realized, from an amazing book called "Its just my nature" by Carol Tuttle, that we all have different energy types, some are high and some are low, and some in between. Our lives naturally run in the energy type we lead with. My 3 year old is a type 1, which is a very high, busy, happy energy. She is constantly on the go, and she requires a lot of attention. I am a type 4, witch is the lowest of energy's making me more still and quiet and reserved, so her energy type and mine clash sometimes. When I want quiet, she wants busy fun and attention.lol
I have figured out that when she was throwing her tantrums and misbehaving, it was because I was suppressing her energy somehow with mine. I finally learned to control my desire for her to quieter(if thats a word)by realy working on listening to what she wants, and realy getting on her level and interacting with her as much as I can. I still ask her for that quiet time that I need, but its almost as if she respects what I want more, now that I am honoring what she needs too.
I know that, it is a bit different than what you have explained, so I hope I wasn't just rambling to you. She was pretty difficult at one point so I wanted to share.
Good luck!

Also, in response to your last message you left for me on my blog.
My husband works for a mapping company, they do topography for different businesses that need a picture of different landscapes. Like the copper mine here in Utah, his company will take pictures of the land, and then they do all kinds of things with the maps to show the company what they can do with the land. Any, lol he can explain it way better than I can. Their clients have been having a hard time paying for things, resulting in his work not having anything to do for a little while. He has work again tomorrow thank goodness though.
I hope everything works out for you, and that your pregnancy is going well! Talk to you later!

Dea said...

That certainly sounds like a good lense! I hate using flash! I will certainly let you know what i get and like: I am thinking about getting a telephoto lense first =]
And sorry about the problems with your son, I wish i could be of more help but I dont have kids and I dont think my babysitting experience could help to much lol

blogging buddies